D Grass is Greener on the Other Side

The Westminster Confession

2009-03-29T13:25:00.011-04:00

"My whole life was an elaborate scheme to keep God at a distance." Jack Miller

Sometimes it feels like Christmas everyday. There are days filled with awe and wonder because of Christ. Sometimes they begin with coffee and CBR. Today one evolved during our reading of the Larger Catechism. He overwhelms me. The fact that I can never be more justified than I am right now... My justification rests on Jesus Christ, and His righteousness is full and complete everyday. Even on my worst day. Even on my best day. "...so by the obedience of one shall many be made righteous."

It's more than a thank You. It's more than an I love You. It's an I-need-You-more-than-air-kind-of-thing. And He gives! He gives Himself.

"Happy are those whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered."

Q. 70. What is justification?

A. Justification is an act of God's free grace unto sinners, in which he pardoneth all their sins, accepteth and accounteth their persons righteous in His sight; not for anything wrought in them, or done by them, but only for the perfect obedience and full satisfaction of Christ, by God imputed to them, and received by faith alone.

"Be glad in the LORD and rejoice, O righteous, and shout for joy..."

A Week (ish) in Review, Again.

2009-03-23T17:46:00.026-04:00

Living healthy and being safe... So far, so good. Eating well isn't that difficult. Wogging around the lake is actually fun. And I've abandoned my daily melanoma coma (napping in a tanning bed after work). Our YMCA is awesome for opening at 5am, and it's great to do some actual running on their treadmills. Which brings me to this photo. I recently bought a lock to use on a locker at the Y. While removing the combination lock from the packaging one morning, I noticed this statement typed on the left side in bold letters-- WARNING: This product contains one or more chemicals known to the state of California to cause cancer, birth defects and other harm... Wash hands after handling. So, there it is. The lock I handle for when I go running is dangerous.

Walking downtown always results in a good time. A few weeks ago, our Discipleship by Grace group had ditched the lesson and decided to convene for dinner instead. We were seated near a giant window at the Chop Shop and suddenly had the most amazing view of a woman going for a walk. With her pet rabbit. On a leash. With a harness. She was just eccentric enough for me to not worry about asking if I could take their picture. This, of course, is after I bolted out of the building with my camera phone ready and aimed at Bugs.

I walked in on dancing Dave and Stormy in the kitchen. We were all waiting for the strawberry shortcake, made with a scone recipe, to finish cooking. The plan is to do an entire blog on Dave one of these days, much like I did with Stormy's bio a few months back. This will take time to develop as, most of you know, Dave is an amalgam of unbridled humor, energy and depth.

This is a picture of Leeloo, my journal. Shut-up. My mind is a dangerous neighborhood and I wish I could move out. This week I realized something very important. The flesh, the world and the Devil are all in opposition to me. For a long time I've stared almost solely at the flesh. Wow. Here's to being blindsided.

Happy Endings

2009-03-14T01:37:00.002-04:00

In God's order for life there is

a time to weep and a time to laugh,

a time to mourn and a time to dance (Eccl. 3:4)

The Early Bird Special

2009-02-06T18:23:00.007-05:00

Today, while my girls were outside in the P.E. field, an eagle flew overhead and lost his grip on dinner. A Florida bass about 12 inches long landed right at the girls' feet. I've never seen teen girls so excited about cleaning out fish guts, cooking, or wanting to eat fish for dinner.
Apparently, the principal food for bald eagles is fish, which the birds seize by using their strong talons to take their prey from the water. Also, eagles are not above stealing food from other raptors such as ospreys. Scientists have observed eagles "harassing" ospreys to force them to drop freshly caught fish that the eagles then snatch in mid-air. I'm not sure how this eagle got his dinner, but these four girls at the center are thrilled about how they got theirs!

5 Conversations

2009-02-02T12:41:00.011-05:00

Many of you have asked what we've been doing on our vacation. We're enjoying each other!

Who We Are

Jenna, Donna, Bek, Cheryl, and Stormy

1. Annual Crawfish Boil
B- I know this’ll probably gross you out, Cheryl, but you take the crawfish, eat the meat out of the tail and suck the juice out of his head.
C- Did you just say you suck the juice out of his head?
D- Bek, it’s not the crawfish. Cheryl’s very sensitive to double entendre.

2. Driving Past Lake Wire
C- I just saw swans having sex.
D- They do that sometimes to make more swans. Lake Wire is really just a giant waterbed.
C- I don’t know what to say.
D- I don’t either. Sexcellent?

3. The 2009 Chick-Fil-A Calendar
J- Al and I may have to have joint custody of this Chick-Fil-A calendar. He can have it every other month and I can have it every other month.

C- Do you remember my Chick-Fil-A toothbrush in college?

D- Yes, the cow was holding both the toothbrush and a sign that reads “Eat more chicken.”

C- Exactly. I was sad when that thing started to grow mold.

4. Sunday, After Church

C- Trinity feels like home. I love hanging out with you, my friend!

D- It’s because Sunday’s the day we’ve set aside to be introspective. Sundays kick my ass the same way they kick yours.

5. That Cat
C- Ugh. Last night that cat was awake screaming like a baby outside my window for an hour at 1:30am.
D- Yeah he does that every night. Once he was perched on the AC outside the window. Somehow he made his paw a fist, knocked on my window, and then fell off the unit with a huge thud. I hate that cat.
C- You guys need to get rid of him.
D- Hey, there’s this “cat lady” in my old neighborhood. She feeds the 17 strays outside her house. Let’s go drop him off there.
C- Great. It’s 12:30 in the morning and you want to put a stray cat in a car and drive him to a different neighborhood?
S- I’ll drive.
(Mission completed. The cat is now a resident of Dixieland.)

A Storm called Stormy

2009-01-25T19:21:00.013-05:00

If I’m compact, selective and loud, Stormy is orderly, gracious and poised. I’d love for all my friends and family to meet her. No doubt they’d be just as fond of her as I am. She’s charming, agreeable, zany and imaginative. And despite all these Sanguine-like traits, Stormy is unmistakably official, methodical and reliable. She’s an old soul like Aunt Jemima, with a dry, playful wit that reminds me of Bonny Hunt.

Stormy enjoys:

Latin dancing (she’s been a “Salsa Freak” for over a year now).

Music (in Spanish which she cannot speak nor understand).

Brainstorming (about books she will one day write and publish and businesses she’ll surely start).

Collecting hundreds of dishes. (She once bought an entire collection of dishware from a catering business.) Stormy’s response when asked if she bought dishes from a caterer? “Well, that’s just the white dishes.”

Things that involve being systematic and meticulous. (I think she’s in the processes of converting her paper files into electronic documents and reviewing her finances that are in Excel.)

Drinking, preparing and serving tea. (Preferably on her front porch in one of her dozens of “pretty but useful” teapots, on one of her many trays lined with freshly ironed, flowery, cloth napkins because she’s “not a fan of doilies.” Apparently, “even the word ‘doily’ is dumb.”

Making sure everything is clean. (See below for what it looks like when Stormy dries some of the said dishes) I walked into the kitchen only to immediately turn around and run for my camera.

Hosting people and their things. Despite the two bedroom bungalow, Stormy always has room to host. She also has components of her friend’s gumball business stored in her garage.

Freshly baked cookies. One afternoon, Stormy had “a craving for freshly baked peanut butter cookies.” Ergo, she made cookie dough from scratch and baked 4 cookies. Yes, 4. The rest of the dough she strategically placed in the fridge so she could bake and consume “freshly baked peanut butter cookies at any time.”

My favorite Stormy quote? "I'm about to commit horticultural theft."

A Week (ish) In Review Via Camera Phone

2009-01-25T18:34:00.024-05:00

This was taken today, the 25th. After eating lunch with Lindy and her family, I filled her kitchen sink with soapy water and began washing a few dishes. Unfortunately, I inverted the plug that keeps the water from draining. In this photo Lindy was attempting to wedge a fork between the plug and the drain so as to eliminate the suction. After 5 long minutes, yanking the plug with pliers proved to be a more conducive alternative.

On the 24th I went to have my acrylic nails filled. There was a ten minute wait and, to keep myself entertained, I looked around the salon. Were the hands in this picture on the wall holding chop sticks or marijuana cigarettes? I ask because pot leaves, YES, pot leaves are adorning the frame. You don’t even need to look closely.

On the 23rd my girls made a sandwich for me. I avoid meat but they thought it was funny to bring a sandwich made with 2 pounds of “Random Ham” and a croissant to my desk. “Random Ham” is what the girls call the ham at The Center. Why? Because it’s processed and made out of the random pieces of the pig. And people wonder why I avoid meat.

Also on the 23rd. An alley cat decided to walk into the house and never leave. We’ve debated over his name. I said, “Cat, you picked us. We didn’t pick you.” So, it made sense to name him “God.” But it was less blasphemous to name him Calvin. Ultimately, Jack is what stuck.

On the 21st it was below freezing. There’s no heat in some of the houses in Florida (ours) so some people were warming their hands over dinner (vegetarian chili).

Jenna sends me this picture of herself on the 17th. She and Al, Megan and Nick were on a wine tasting tour. Jenna wanted me to know that the wine had suddenly snuck up and bit her in the ass.

Salsa Dancing?

2009-01-04T00:27:00.014-05:00

Stormy introduced me to the "Salsa Scene" tonight. While I usually begin preparing for bed at ten, Stormy convinced me to put on my dancing shoes. It's all so surreal as Stormy is very conservative. A little voice in my head told me to be prepared and to keep track of blog-worthy-info via my cell phone's notepad. Needless to say, my thumbs had more of a workout than my feet. I mean, this is The County and not Miami.
Upon entering the parking lot, and with car window down, I asked the bouncer if there was a cover charge. He of course replied, "Not for beautiful ladies." Thank God. I can finally pay for something with my looks. We quickly found a parking spot. This suprised me since Stormy's Passat didn't fit one of the 7 spots reserved for "Bikes Only." We reached the entrance and the bouncer whipped out a metal detector (in wand form) and told me I had to leave my purse in the car. It's not more than five minutes later that I realize the guy standing next to me is wearing a jersey that reads "Player 69."
Sure, the dancing was fun. But at one point someone told me to sign up for the wet t-shirt contest because "I got it" and he was "bein straight up." Stormy and I laughed, however, I threw up a little in my mouth at this point. We left before the contest. Rebekah, in response to all of the texts I'd sent her, asked "So is there actually latin dancing going on or just re-enactments of the switch blade fight in West Side Story?" Wow. Next time can we go dancing at the Samba Room in Orlando? Ahh, good times and adventures!

My Girls

2008-12-31T09:44:00.003-05:00

The teens in my classroom are like no other. They're the most creative, most talented, most offensive group of young ladies I've ever had the privilege of teaching. Our class motto? "We've been in Betty Ford more than Gerald." Ok, it's not actually our motto. But I'm genuinely surprised one of them hasn't come up with the slogan. They never cease to captivate and charm me or to thwart my expectations. Tatiana, one of our recent graduates, was raised in a Russian orphanage until the age of 12. Recently, her close friend, Breanna, informed me of a conversation that took place between Tatiana and Sela. Sela, another student, was born and raised in Alaska. Breanna, in her dry, monotone delivery began to recount the dialogue... Tatiana: "I'm Russian and Russia owns Alaska, so basically, I own Sela." Sela: "You were broke and sold me!" Tatiana: "Yeah, for less than a dollar per square mile."

Blogging

2008-12-30T17:57:00.000-05:00

It's amazing to me that people blog. Clearly, as of today, I'm walking contradiction. Isn't it arrogant to blog? A dear friend once told me, one day, when she finally breaks down and starts typing, her blog will be under the title "As Pretentious As I Want To Be." I still giggle and nod in agreement. Yet Lindy, Frank Mimodee, Francine, Steph and Dave are all such unassuming... well, bloggers. It's also whimsically strange, when I'm feeling most insecure and about 2 inches deep, that I choose now to open my mouth.